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TOOLS TO POWER-UP YOUR PARENTING The Power of "Proactive Communication" Children are our mirrors. They imitate us from a very young age. We are their model for behavior, so they pattern themselves after us. We can watch them, and see what we are doing. How you treat your children is how they will treat the world. The respect and the manner in which you speak to your children will be reflected back on you. When your child does something you don't like, tell them how you feel about it and deal with it directly. Also, ask yourself in what way that behavior mirrors you. Children need honesty. They need to see a model of a human being going through all the different feelings and moods a human being goes through and being honest about it. This gives them permission and support to love themselves and allow themselves to be real and truthful. Use proactive language
that promotes a can-do attitude and responsibility to choose:
Reactive language takes power away from you and gives it to something or someone else. When you're reactive it is like giving someone else the remote control to your life and saying: "Here, change my mood any time you wish". Proactive language, on the other hand, puts your remote control back into your own hands. You are then free to choose which 'channel' you want to be on. Above all, communicate your honest feelings to your children and ask them to let you know how they are feeling. Almost all family problems arise from a lack of genuine communication. You're children certainly are not going to know how to communicate clearly if you do not communicate clearly. Use words as tools to empower, inspire and teach your children well. Use techniques aimed at guiding your children to think and say positive things about themselves. Love is a language. Send a contant and continual message of love. Keep the anger out. Speak with a gentle and kind tone of voice. Turn lemons into lemonade.
Give appreciations and compliments
to your kids. See them as wonderful and capable and
you'll get Do not assume they have heard it simply because you have said it. Ask them to repeat what you. Demonstrate patience. Criticize the behavior, not the person. Compliment your child while the behavior is being corrected. End criticism with a positive statement of expected behavior. Use a 'sales pitch' to explain why. Find humor wherever possible and laugh! Listen attentively to your child's words, encourage them to open up to you and trust you with their feelings. Acknowledge your child's feelings. "It sounds like you are very angry..." Always be willing to be part of the problem. Ask open ended questions that do not have a yes or no answer. "Tell me how you are feeling..." Be first to apologize. Be honest. Show empathy, compassion and understanding. Always be respectful and positive. Share your feelings. Focus on what each of you can learn from the experience.
Be open
and seize every opportunity to teach critical
thinking and decision making skills. Set goals together. Focus on what you can do something about. Explore options and choices. Approach the same problem from different directions. Solve problems together. Create a 'can-do' attitude. Use words as tools to show your kids you believe in them and have faith in them. Cultivate happiness and optimism with your words and celebrate success by learning from mistakes. We power-up and strengthen the parent-child relationship when we communicate with our highest goals and aspirations in mind. In addition, we are seizing all opportunities and mistakes as "teachable moments", to teach the art of decision making, of making responsible choices and being accountable for those choices. When we teach our children to profit from their mistakes, that is how they truly learn. More importantly, we are building happy and healthy lines of communication between parent and child, which are invaluable and essential for parents to be able to guide their children and teach them well. In an atmosphere that is loving, non-threatening, honest and with genuine desire to listen and understand, everyone is validated and benefits. Lois Wallin-Sanchez, M.A. -
Certified Parent Coach / Consultant - Certified Life Coach
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"I
choose" vs. "I have to"
